Book Club Guidelines and Introductions

We are going to establish a few guidelines so people know what to expect. Please comment below so we know everyone has reviewed the list - thanks!

Confidentiality
I have done my best to ensure this is a private blog, so only those who have asked to participate in book club have been invited. That said, we will be sharing examples from our families, so please keep what we discuss confidential and do not share posts or comments anywhere, verbally or in print.  I want this to be a safe place to share as we learn new skills.

Participation
I will post at least one question per week, addressing the chapter assigned for the week. We will read one chapter per week and I hope parents will feel like they can start practicing skills after we've read and discussed them. I am hoping that all participants will respond at least once to each question posed, and respond to others comments as well. All communication needs to be intentionally respectful and supportive, keeping in mind that online communication can sometimes be misunderstood. The end of each chapter has an "action plan" and we hope you will be able to practice new skills with your family and share out each week.

Questions
Please email Mrs. Curtis right away if you are having trouble with the technical aspects or the book content. Your question may lead us to pose a new question or instruction to the group, to strengthen understanding. Thank you for your participation!

Please introduce yourself in the comments below by clicking the "comments" link within this post, thanks!

Chapter 11 and 12 and Casey's Guide

The remainder of the book will focus on reviewing skills taught in the other chapters and walking you through Casey's Guide, which is an ebook you read with your child online.  The ebook is available at http://playingwithanxiety.com/ and there is also a "puzzle" on the same site to help you go over the book concepts with your child.

After reading Casey's Guide with your child, please comment on the following points:

• What was your child's reaction to the concepts in the book?
• How do you feel about your confidence in addressing your child's anxiety?
• What is your next step as a family?

Also please respond to these survey questions again, now after having completed the book. Thank you so much!

Chapter 9 and Chapter 10

Chapter 9 - Stepping toward the bigger picture

KEY CONCEPTS

• Know what you want
• Get a want-to
• Taking one scary step at a time
• Choose fewer battles
• "Could" vs. "Should" self-talk

TAKING ACTION:

• Plant seeds of moving toward a goal
• Model the process of moving toward a goal

Chapter 10 - When amnesia attacks

KEY CONCEPTS:

• Bridge back to successes!
• Tolerate frustration and mistakes - struggle is okay
• Taking on a challenge even if it might mean failure
• Encouraging independence
• When a child stops leaning and starts standing up

TAKING ACTION:

• Planting seeds of recalling and using past successes
• Model the process of talking positively to yourself (internal reassurance)

Here is a video of a 3rd grade EP Rock student describing how he has taken control of his worries.  Some of these strategies you have learned in the book, others are things we have worked on, but all strategies gave him a way to feel confident in his own ability to problem-solve. (Parents gave permission to share with you and with students at Rock, but please do not show video to anyone beyond your family.)

Chapter 8 - Calming Down the Body

KEY CONCEPTS:

• Feeling uncomfortable
• Dealing with physical symptoms
• Calming breath and calming counts
• Normal nervousness and anxiety sensitivity

TAKING ACTION:

• Teaching the calming breaths
• Model the process of using breathing as a way to pause and reset

Chapter 7 - Retraining the Brain

Teaching kids about their brain can be very fun because generally they are interested in learning about their brain and it helps make sense of a lot of the things we've discussed in this book.  Generations back, we may have needed our amygdala more often to escape animal attacks, etc, but in our modern suburban living, it doesn't have as much real use, so the amygdala spends its time making up things to be scared about!  Once children understand this, it's an easier sell to get them to "talk down" their amygdala with the externalizing strategy.

KEY CONCEPTS:
1.  Seek out the uncertainty and the distress it generates within you

2.  Understanding the brain:

• amygdala - alarm system
• prefrontal cortex - rational problem-solving

3.  Train the amygdala - being uncomfortable on purpose

• Self-talk
• Stepping into the threat

TAKE ACTION:

• Plant the seeds of how "alarm systems" and "thinking parts" work in the world.
• Model the process of talking down the prefrontal cortex.

Chapter 6 - Be Unsure and Uncomfortable on Purpose

Chapter 6 key concepts:

This is the "opposite of reassuring" chapter.  For those of us with a tendency to reassure or say "it will be fine", this will be a major shift in communication.  It is pushing our children toward the worry and showing confidence in their ability to problem-solve. You can even find times when it is convenient for you to sort of orchestrate a typical uncomfortable feeling to happen for your child. If it's a convenient time for you it will be easier for you to keep your own anxieties in check while you can calmly be with your child while he or she works through it on their own.  It sounds a bit diabolical, but it is great practice!

Be unsure and uncomfortable on purpose

• To grow, your child must expect to feel anxious and worried from time to time

• Teaching kids to problem-solve rather than avoid

• What crutches are you providing for your child?

• Model the process of accepting and moving toward discomfort and uncertainty

Discussion/Action Plan:

• What crutches are you providing for your child?
• Model the process of accepting and moving toward discomfort and uncertainty

UPDATED TO ADD:  Here is an article that offers of really great responses to "worry questions" and empowers kids to be problem-solvers and make their worry less powerful.  Unfortunately, reassurance doesn't work!

Chapter 5 - Same Old Worry, Very Different Responses

Ack! Where did the last week go? Thank you all for continuing to read and share reflections - great conversations on Chapter 4 - please be sure to check them out and provide feedback!

Chapter 5 is a meaty chapter that may push you a bit out of your comfort zone, but I use these strategies with students ALL the time and they can be very effective!  Here are the main concepts:

• Externalize the Anxious Worries - this is talking to your worry and even naming it to give it a character. I usually try to get students to name it something that makes them giggle because that helps to take its power away!
• Ways to talk to Worry: Expect it, Take Care of It, Boss it Around. Each may work better in certain situations.
• They talk more, you talk less - this helps us as parents to NOT get over-involved and instead empower our kids to be problem-solvers.  Coaching, without reassuring the worry.
• Beware the content trap - instead cue to externalize.

Take action:

• Watch out for "safety chatter"
• Plant the seeds of externalizing and talking back to Worry
• Model the process of talking back to Worry

Good luck!