Chapter 11 and 12 and Casey's Guide

The remainder of the book will focus on reviewing skills taught in the other chapters and walking you through Casey's Guide, which is an ebook you read with your child online.  The ebook is available at http://playingwithanxiety.com/ and there is also a "puzzle" on the same site to help you go over the book concepts with your child.

After reading Casey's Guide with your child, please comment on the following points:

• What was your child's reaction to the concepts in the book?
• How do you feel about your confidence in addressing your child's anxiety?
• What is your next step as a family?

Also please respond to these survey questions again, now after having completed the book. Thank you so much!

Chapter 9 and Chapter 10

Chapter 9 - Stepping toward the bigger picture

KEY CONCEPTS

• Know what you want
• Get a want-to
• Taking one scary step at a time
• Choose fewer battles
• "Could" vs. "Should" self-talk

TAKING ACTION:

• Plant seeds of moving toward a goal
• Model the process of moving toward a goal

Chapter 10 - When amnesia attacks

KEY CONCEPTS:

• Bridge back to successes!
• Tolerate frustration and mistakes - struggle is okay
• Taking on a challenge even if it might mean failure
• Encouraging independence
• When a child stops leaning and starts standing up

TAKING ACTION:

• Planting seeds of recalling and using past successes
• Model the process of talking positively to yourself (internal reassurance)

Here is a video of a 3rd grade EP Rock student describing how he has taken control of his worries.  Some of these strategies you have learned in the book, others are things we have worked on, but all strategies gave him a way to feel confident in his own ability to problem-solve. (Parents gave permission to share with you and with students at Rock, but please do not show video to anyone beyond your family.)

Chapter 8 - Calming Down the Body

KEY CONCEPTS:

• Feeling uncomfortable
• Dealing with physical symptoms
• Calming breath and calming counts
• Normal nervousness and anxiety sensitivity

TAKING ACTION:

• Teaching the calming breaths
• Model the process of using breathing as a way to pause and reset

Chapter 7 - Retraining the Brain

Teaching kids about their brain can be very fun because generally they are interested in learning about their brain and it helps make sense of a lot of the things we've discussed in this book.  Generations back, we may have needed our amygdala more often to escape animal attacks, etc, but in our modern suburban living, it doesn't have as much real use, so the amygdala spends its time making up things to be scared about!  Once children understand this, it's an easier sell to get them to "talk down" their amygdala with the externalizing strategy.

KEY CONCEPTS:
1.  Seek out the uncertainty and the distress it generates within you

2.  Understanding the brain:

• amygdala - alarm system
• prefrontal cortex - rational problem-solving

3.  Train the amygdala - being uncomfortable on purpose

• Self-talk
• Stepping into the threat

TAKE ACTION:

• Plant the seeds of how "alarm systems" and "thinking parts" work in the world.
• Model the process of talking down the prefrontal cortex.

Chapter 6 - Be Unsure and Uncomfortable on Purpose

Chapter 6 key concepts:

This is the "opposite of reassuring" chapter.  For those of us with a tendency to reassure or say "it will be fine", this will be a major shift in communication.  It is pushing our children toward the worry and showing confidence in their ability to problem-solve. You can even find times when it is convenient for you to sort of orchestrate a typical uncomfortable feeling to happen for your child. If it's a convenient time for you it will be easier for you to keep your own anxieties in check while you can calmly be with your child while he or she works through it on their own.  It sounds a bit diabolical, but it is great practice!

Be unsure and uncomfortable on purpose

• To grow, your child must expect to feel anxious and worried from time to time

• Teaching kids to problem-solve rather than avoid

• What crutches are you providing for your child?

• Model the process of accepting and moving toward discomfort and uncertainty

Discussion/Action Plan:

• What crutches are you providing for your child?
• Model the process of accepting and moving toward discomfort and uncertainty

UPDATED TO ADD:  Here is an article that offers of really great responses to "worry questions" and empowers kids to be problem-solvers and make their worry less powerful.  Unfortunately, reassurance doesn't work!

Chapter 5 - Same Old Worry, Very Different Responses

Ack! Where did the last week go? Thank you all for continuing to read and share reflections - great conversations on Chapter 4 - please be sure to check them out and provide feedback!

Chapter 5 is a meaty chapter that may push you a bit out of your comfort zone, but I use these strategies with students ALL the time and they can be very effective!  Here are the main concepts:

• Externalize the Anxious Worries - this is talking to your worry and even naming it to give it a character. I usually try to get students to name it something that makes them giggle because that helps to take its power away!
• Ways to talk to Worry: Expect it, Take Care of It, Boss it Around. Each may work better in certain situations.
• They talk more, you talk less - this helps us as parents to NOT get over-involved and instead empower our kids to be problem-solvers.  Coaching, without reassuring the worry.
• Beware the content trap - instead cue to externalize.

Take action:

• Watch out for "safety chatter"
• Plant the seeds of externalizing and talking back to Worry
• Model the process of talking back to Worry

Good luck!

Chapter 4 - Expect to Worry

Great work on Chapter three - I read many of you finding common ground in the "flexibility" conversations. Your comments and replies have been very supportive - please continue to try writing at least one comment and one reply to another comment to continue the conversational aspect of the book club.  I love this group - I think it's going very well!  

We will post Chapter 5 after break, so enjoy your week! We will plan another "meet and greet" for later in March - please watch for details.  Great work everyone!

Key Concept:

·         Expect to worry

Practice:

·         Plant the seeds of normalizing worry and expecting worry to show up

·         Model the process of not being surprised when worry shows up

Chapter Three

You are doing a great job connecting in comments, so please continue! Please comment on whatever speaks to you and reply to others' posts - great work!  I love hearing the "practice" piece, so hopefully some of you will reflect on how you are planting seeds and modeling with their kids.  If possible, please share at least one comment and reply to one other person's comment, to keep the discussion going.  

Also, a couple of parents have suggested meeting again face-to-face about halfway through the book.  What do you think?

Chapter 3 key concepts:

• Finding balance
• Catastrophic thinking
• Predictability
• Perfectionism
• Rigidity
• How avoidance strengthens our worry/ how parents strengthen avoidance
• Importance of teaching flexibility

Practice:

•  Plant the seeds of flexibility
• Model the process of flexibility

Goal: Be more like a cat:)

Chapter Three

You are doing a great job connecting in comments, so please continue! Please comment on whatever speaks to you and reply to others' posts - great work!  I love hearing the "practice" piece, so hopefully some of you will reflect on how you are planting seeds and modeling with their kids.  If possible, please share at least one comment and reply to one other person's comment, to keep the discussion going.  

Also, a couple of parents have suggested meeting again face-to-face about halfway through the book.  What do you think?

Chapter 3 key concepts:

• Finding balance
• Catastrophic thinking
• Predictability
• Perfectionism
• Rigidity
• How avoidance strengthens our worry/ how parents strengthen avoidance
• Importance of teaching flexibility

Practice:

•  Plant the seeds of flexibility
• Model the process of flexibility

Goal: Be more like a cat:)

Chapter 2

Excellent discussion, everyone!  Parents asked to combine the chapter elements with the "action" piece at the end of each chapter to keep it simple. Please comment on whatever speaks to you and reply to others' posts - great work!  I love hearing the "practice" piece, so I hope some will reflect on how they plant seeds and model with their kids.  If you haven't commented on chapter 1 elements or homework, you can do it at any time. Everyone please continue to take a peek at previous posts in case new comments crop up.  Again in each post if possible, we would like participants to try to share one response and one reply to another person's response. Thank you!

Themes:

• Tendency, not destiny
• Anxious parents role in perpetuating an anxious response to life
• Why parents help kids avoid

Common parenting patterns that makes sense and don’t work:

• Rescuing, reassuring, and overprotecting
• Providing certainty
• Identifying a child as a worrier because “it runs in the family”
• Requiring family members, friends and schools to accommodate the anxiety
• Allowing “bad” behavior (yelling, swearing, tantrums, hitting, etc.) because it’s a part of the anxiety
• Modeling with your own anxious behavior
• Pushing too hard or becoming angry or explosive

Practice (if you are able to practice in the "homework" section, please share your story!):

• Plant seeds of change on the horizon
• Model the process of positive actions

Chapter Two

Excellent discussion, everyone!  Parents asked to combine the chapter elements with the "action" piece at the end of each chapter to keep it simple. Please comment on whatever speaks to you and reply to others' posts - great work!  I love hearing the "practice" piece, so I hope some will reflect on how they plant seeds and model with their kids.  If you haven't commented on chapter 1 elements or homework, you can do it at any time. Everyone please continue to take a peek at previous posts in case new comments crop up.  Again in each post if possible, we would like participants to try to share one response and one reply to another person's response. Thank you!

Themes:

• Tendency, not destiny
• Anxious parents role in perpetuating an anxious response to life
• Why parents help kids avoid

Common parenting patterns that makes sense and don’t work:

• Rescuing, reassuring, and overprotecting
• Providing certainty
• Identifying a child as a worrier because “it runs in the family”
• Requiring family members, friends and schools to accommodate the anxiety
• Allowing “bad” behavior (yelling, swearing, tantrums, hitting, etc.) because it’s a part of the anxiety
• Modeling with your own anxious behavior
• Pushing too hard or becoming angry or explosive

Practice (if you are able to practice in the "homework" section, please share your story!):

• Plant seeds of change on the horizon
• Model the process of positive actions

Homework from Chapter 1

(Remember to respond to Chapter One discussion below too - this is just the homework piece.)

At the end of each chapter, there is "homework."  Please respond about your experience doing the homework from chapter one (pages 18-19).  You are doing a great job of responding to each other's comments also - keep up the great work!

• Plant the seeds of Optimism and Action
• Model the process of Managing Normal Worry

Chapter One Homework

Even though we haven't had our "Meet and Greet" yet, it looks like people have mostly figured out the blog, so let's start discussing the first chapter!  This week, read chapter one, and when you have finished, respond to the following prompt.  We would like participants to try to share at least one response and 1 reply to another person's response. Thanks!

Please describe your reaction to the concepts in the first chapter:

• Useful worry
• Controlling feelings
• Seeking certainty and comfort, immediately and continually
• Anxious behaviors in children

(Next weekend we will ask you to reflect on your progress in the action plan at the end of the chapter.)

Chapter 1 - Understanding Worry

Even though we haven't had our "Meet and Greet" yet, it looks like people have mostly figured out the blog, so let's start discussing the first chapter!  This week, read chapter one, and when you have finished, respond to the following prompt.  We would like participants to try to share at least one response and 1 reply to another person's response. Thanks!

Please describe your reaction to the concepts in the first chapter:

• Useful worry
• Controlling feelings
• Seeking certainty and comfort, immediately and continually
• Anxious behaviors in children

(Next weekend we will ask you to reflect on your progress in the action plan at the end of the chapter.)

Chapter One - Understanding Worry

Even though we haven't had our "Meet and Greet" yet, it looks like people have mostly figured out the blog, so let's start discussing the first chapter!  This week, read chapter one, and when you have finished, respond to the following prompt.  We would like participants to try to share at least one response and 1 reply to another person's response. Thanks!

Please describe your reaction to the concepts in the first chapter:

• Useful worry
• Controlling feelings
• Seeking certainty and comfort, immediately and continually
• Anxious behaviors in children

(Next weekend we will ask you to reflect on your progress in the action plan at the end of the chapter.)

10 Question Pre-survey

Please respond to this short survey to establish a baseline for our group. We will ask the same questions at the end of the group in the spring and see what kind of progress we all make. We really need everyone to respond to the questions - the responses are anonymous.  Thanks!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1VRoDFQoZB5833svw7XdOIEKNckptZoCW2fmO-G2b-Sc/viewform?usp=send_form